• You may benefit from couples therapy if you’re having the same conflict over and over without resolving anything.

• If one of you brings up the same concern while the other stays silent or gets defensive.

• If you have stopped talking about harder issues in order to avoid frustration or making things worse.

• If you do not feel understood or connected to your partner.

• If your conflict often escalates into intense emotions.

• If you’re starting to feel that you are shutting down and withdrawing from your partner.

• If you want the relationship to look differently than it looks now.

There are situations where separation may be the healthiest path. With that said, many couples believe they are beyond help when they aren’t. They just might be at a point where they are beyond figuring it out on their own.

It’s very common for one partner to be more ready than the other. Some partners feel more skeptical about the process. Maybe they are worried that they will be blamed or outnumbered, some worry if talking to a stranger will do anything at all, and some are hesitant due to not knowing what to expect. That’s an understandable response and usually these fears or questions dissipate by the third session.

This is very common especially during the first session. Some people process their thoughts by talking and other need more time to think before they respond. It’s my job to hear and understand you but more importantly its my job to help you to hear and understand each other. I will slow things down when I need to and space will be created for both partners.

I work with a lot of couples who have tried couples counseling in the past. The biggest complaint that I receive from them is that the therapist was a great listener and both partner felt understood however, nothing actually changed in the relationship and no real work was done. Being listened to feels very nice and it is at the core of establishing safety and trust. However, that alone will not help couples to resolve and move through their conflcit. I can’t guarantee what you will do, but I can guarantee what I will do. I will be right there with you, actively participating wtih you, to get to the root of the issues, and give you clear directions of how to start treating each other differently. Every session has a purpose and keeps your relationship goals at the forefront.

When I suggest something between sessions, it’s because I believe it will help you apply what we’ve been working on together. That might be noticing a pattern during an argument, practicing a new way of responding, having a specific conversation differently, etc. The goal is to help you carry the work we’re already doing into your everyday life.

My goal is to create sessions with a purpose and intentionality behind them. I do not try and keep couples for a long period of time. I do try to help you understand what’s happening in your relationship, learn new ways of responding to each other, and to be able to use all the skills that you gain outside of our sessions. I cannot give a specific number because there are a lot of variables such as the issues that couples come in with, how couples respond to feedback, and what happens outside of sessions. I had couples who finished within 3 months and I had couples who stayed a little over a year.

You know that couples work is helping

• When you become more aware about what’s happening between the two of you.

• When you become more aware about what’s happening for you personally.

• When you can identify a few root issues.

• When you can identify why you are stuck and why you are repeating the same conflict.

• When you start making small changes to the relationship.

• When you start treating each other differently.